whew! Our God never, never ceases to amaze me!!!!!!!!
So, I have been in touch with a clinic in Tulsa for certain aspects of my health. There is a program that looks like it could be of incredible levels of help, however, it is very natural based and likely not covered by ins....and though the outcome would be priceless, well, let's just say there IS a price on it, however treasured and worth it later. lol. So goes this crazy world :)~ BUT, I sent my info to them to see if I was eligible to be a patient, and they accepted and contacted me for further details etc., so we would know if we could proceed. The dear lady who contacted me, so it turns out, is a believer who shares a passion for missions, having spent time in Uganda!!! That alone completely psyched me after our conversation! I felt God's hand......which, needless to say, sad little heather that I am, got my hopes set that this is what God wants and sent me wanting to dive in! lol....I'm an extremist, all or nothing :) Instead of "waiting patiently on the Lord", I wanted the answers, the solution, the miracle YESTERDAY! haha. I realized, through another sleepless night, that facts are we can't afford this right now and I need to accept this! Still being silly, faithless me....I am ashamed to say that I emailed her back out of.....resolve to facts, I guess.....much more than faith that God would work things out! oi! Thank goodness that "when we are faithless, HE REMAINS FAITHFUL"!!!!!!! woooooooot :) So, check out her response:

Heather,
I am very excited that this program is bringing you hope! I am also very excited because I know you are going to have a lot of success with this program when you are ready to begin! From past experience, I know that God’s timing is always perfect, so things will work out when they are supposed to! “Our needs will be met according to his riches and glory Philippians 4:19”. I do believe that this is a need that you have and not just a desire so I know that this need will be met for you! I hope that you continue to have faith and know that all of this will work out! Keep in touch with me. I would love to help you when you are ready or just someone to talk to in this time of transition!
In his name,
Melissa

I stand .... okay, so lay here *hehe* (not sucha strong day :) ..... totally humbled AND amazed. First, humbled~wow. Silly me. "I believe, only help my unbelief"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I truly, after researching this program and speaking to her of details, felt hope for the first time in soooooo crazy long. I don't know what it is, but I really believe this will work. And I felt alive again....like this battle isn't over. Okay, so hope is great (as is feeling alive again :), BUT It should NOT be doctors or programs or etc, etc that captures my hope and gives me life. There is only ONE place we can SET OUR HOPE....that is our unfailing, never changing, perfectly faithful GOD!!! It is He and HE ALONE who meets our needs, who comes through for us. Yes, He works through many people and in many ways....but they are all worthless if we cannot see His sweet hand in it all. After all "He longs to show Himself strong on our behalf"!
Second, I am amazed!!! ~ How crazy madly BEAUTIFUL is the body of Christ!!!! *happiness* :) :) :) yeah, kinda like that :) smiles! Here are two total strangers from different cities....and yet two sisters who share ONE Spirit, united in CHRIST, living HIS Life!!!!! It is simply nuts to me!!!!! WHAT?!!!? wow! She does not know me, has never seen my face...yet her words pierced my heart today, torn down a wall, opened my eyes, and fixed my heart on my God! THAT IS A MIRACLE PEOPLE! THAT is my God :)
Can you believe He loves me THIS much...to work such intricate details as to have this company contact be, not just an employee, but a sister in Christ. Then, to guide her heart to speak words I needed to hear...HIS words. Just for me. awestruck. wow.
It is moments like these that make all the pain WORTH IT....worth it all....all for Him.
Thanks Daddy